i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize