No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
