just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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