You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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