New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
