At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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