i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
