I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
