Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
