Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize