Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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