I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
