Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
