In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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