Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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