everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
