Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
