we're blogging at a bar
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
