Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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