I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
