He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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