Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
