come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
