**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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