Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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