hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
