So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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