I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
