Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
