I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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