my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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