My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
