Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Ketchup is God's man juice
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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