You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
