Can i not drive my cunt home
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
