I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
