Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
