They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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