apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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