she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
