i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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