You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just puked most of my soul out..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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