she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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