There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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