Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
