cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize