The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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