Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She bit a glass in half.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
