found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
