I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
