R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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