i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
