I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize