Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
