id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
foreskin is a definite game changer
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
