It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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