i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
