I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
