# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
