I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
