I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
