Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
