Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
