I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
