Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
