Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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