so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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