i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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