Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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