I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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