No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need a hoe opinion
go on
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
