Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
