You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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