I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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