No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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