after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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