i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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