I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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