i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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