she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
