Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
