Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
