1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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