How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
