Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
