Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
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