I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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