i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
