alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think I just sharted jello shots
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
