I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
