First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
