you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
