if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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