Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
