I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
