its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
