the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
