well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
