I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
