I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
