Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
