I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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